Defective Love
by ChangeTheChase
Summary: Aoi loves Uruha... unfortunately Uruha has a different way of showing his feelings. Starring: the GazettE, Aoi, Uruha, Kai, Miyavi mostly Warnings for mentions of: rape, self-harm, unhealthy love. Aoi POV, Oneshot, Dark-ish


xXx Defective Love xXx

I didn't want this. I just wanted him to love me the way I love him. _All_ of him. His hands that ruthlessly beat me, his teeth that drew blood, his knees that kept me pinned on my stomach. His cock that raped me.

I know he didn't mean it. It was _my_ fault. I got in his way and told him how I feel. I guess he was drunk and didn't realize I hadn't done this before. He just _forgot _to use lube and didn't remember to go slow. Maybe he didn't hear me beg him to stop over the loud music he had turned on and ignored my cries of _pain_ because he thought they were screams of _pleasure_.

He didn't hold me afterwards because he had to go catch a bus. He didn't hear me say "I love you" through the door that was closed behind him. He didn't say sorry because he didn't see the blood in his hurry to get dressed and leave. Leave to catch that bus. Not leave me. Uruha would never leave me.

I think the bleeding has stopped now so I think I should move now. Go clean up… maybe give the guys a call see if they want to hook up. It would give me a chance to see Uruha.

I slowly stand up - wincing at the pain - before going over to the mirror. I don't recognize myself. My hair is everywhere from being pulled too hard. A bruise covers the corner of my left eye; I don't know how that happened. My lip is burst from where he bit to hard and my lip ring has blood around the edges from where he pulled at it to keep my face down. My neck and chest are covered with various bite marks, nail marks and reddish blotches - except from a large purple/yellow bruise that covers two of my ribs on my right side… now that I think about it, it hurts to breathe, the mirror only reflects my top half but I am sure if it showed more I would see blood and come staining my thighs.

I make my way to the bathroom before stepping in to the shower cubicle. As I let the water run over my face it pools to my feet, tinged a murky hue of red.

_Love hurts_.

Reaching for the soap I spot my wrists. Faint but visible rope burns scratch the vein and round to the top of my hand. These weren't self made, no no no. This was just Uruha being kinky, _his_ way of claiming me.

I am _his_.

As I run the soap in my hands I slowly build up a lather of suds before running it along my arms and chest, treading carefully and wincing at almost _every _movement. He didn't _mean_ to make me hurt though, he just wanted me to _remember_ him. My hands slowly reach my hips and thighs; there are no bruises here just _scars_. Scars that no one can see because I don't want them to worry. Hips hurt the most when wounded, but they heal quickly. Uruha must have seen them. I hope he won't worry about me. Kai saw them once when we were getting ready for a live, he kept an eye on me then stopped when he thought I'd stopped.

He was _wrong_.

After I wash my hair and step out of the shower a wave of exhaustion creeps it's was way over me. I lay down on the stained sheets with just the towel around me before weights hit my eyes and I sleep without dreaming.

xXx Next Day At Band Practice xXx

How I made it here I'll never know. Foundation is plastered on my face heavy enough to hide the marks my _love_ made and the only other parts of skin showing are my hands. It's hard to walk without limping and wincing, but _somehow_ I make it. I only just step into the room before a blur hits me embracing me in a tight hug. At first I think it might be Uruha but no, Uruha doesn't have rainbow hair and is shorter than the Miyavi that has a tight hold of me. I let out a gasp of pain making him quickly let go with a concerned look over his face.

"What's wrong Aoi-Kun?", he asks looking at me.

"Nothing, you just caught me off guard is all", I lie through a broken smile - broken because the cuts were _impossible_ to hide.

"What happened to your lip?", he gently holds my chin looking closer. I hope he doesn't smudge my make-up.

"Oh… nothing, I was biting it again and just sorta bit it too far", I pray this passes as a_ valid_ excuse.

"Hm", is all I get. His eyes are disbelieving but he lets it drop along with his hand.

My eyes quickly scan the room. Ruki, Reita and Kai are all in deep conversation but… where is _Uruha_? He should be here, shouldn't he?

"Guys… where's Uruha?", I ask uncertainly.

"Not here yet", inputs Kai.

"Oh", my eyes wander back to Miyavi, "Why are _you_ here?", I ask.

"Just to see you, _beautiful_", he jokes, slinging his arm around my shoulder. It doesn't feel right; it's not Uruha… what if he walks in and _sees_ us? He could suspect something… no no no, this isn't _right._

I quickly squirm away him and seeing his hurt look I quickly think of an excuse.

"I slept wrong last night; my shoulder is kinda tender, sorry"

"Ah… okay", he quickly bounces off to see the others while I find a seat on one of the couches and slowly sit down trying my best to ignore the pain that shoots up my spine. Resting my head in my hands I close my eyes and count the seconds, waiting for _my_ angel to arrive.

My head snaps up at a door opening and Miyavi quickly tears past to embrace Uruha in the same grip he had me in, however, Uruha _doesn't _push him away. Instead, he hugs him back. Why isn't he pushing him back? Does he know_ I_ am here? Should I make him aware of _my_ presence?

I stay quiet.

When they part Uruha doesn't look at me. Maybe he doesn't want them to know. It's ok, I can understand that.

"Right, let's get started. Miyavi… sit down and don't jump about", Kai told the hyperactive man in stern voice. Miyavi likes to jump about at our practices and do stuff like steal Kai's drumsticks or jump in front of Ruki and start to sing into the mic. Once he even went as far as to play Reita's bass… he suffered for that.

"Aoi, get your ass over here", commands Kai, looking at me this time.

I _slowly_ stand up again, the pain from the bruise on my chest makes me put a hand over in and take in a deep breath. If anyone notices they don't seem to _care._

Practice goes on as normal, with Miyavi clapping in an over-the-top way every time we finish a song.

Break arrives none to soon and I creep out for a much needed smoke. Almost _all_ of me hurts _especially_ my chest where the bruise is. But it was _worth_ it. I know Uruha didn't _mean_ it. I _love_ him.

"You were meant to have quit, Aoi-kun", comes a voice that can't be mistaken as Kai with Miyavi at his side. Kai is the one that helped us all quit… _except_ me… I _lapse_ now and again just like I do when I add more _scars_ to my thighs and hips.

"I know…"

Miyavi pokes me in the chest… right on the _fucking bruise_. I grit my teeth with a hiss.

"Oh, come on, I didn't poke you hard", he says, sounding as if I am faking it. He goes to poke me again but I grab his hand. _Tight_.

"Do not fucking poke me again or you will regret it", I sneer into his face. I know this behavior is _unusual_ for me and they will surly pick up on it.

"Miyavi, why don't you head back inside? I need to talk to Aoi" Miyavi walks back inside without a word.

"So… tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing", I quickly reply before taking another draw.

"So why did you respond to Miyavi poking you so bad?"

"I am tired"

"Let me see your chest"

"NO!"

"Either you let me, or I go get Reita and he will force you"

I don't like that word '_force_'; it implies I am not the one in _control_… like last night. Taking heed to Kai's seriousness I take a last draw before stubbing out my cigarette. But I make no move to undo my hoodie and lift up my t-shirt.

"Show. Me._ Now_", instructs Kai, sounding _more_ than a little pissed at my refusal to comply.

Numbly, I unzip my hoodie and look to the side away from his eyes when I pull up my t-shirt to reveal the yellowish _affliction _along with the _multiple _little purple marks. I don't see his reaction but I don't imagine it to be his _usual_ sunshine smile.

His fingers ghost the mark and I pull away and quickly zip back up.

"There. Happy now?", I ask still refusing to meet his eyes.

"Who… who did this to you, Aoi?", his voice is quiet and he sounds so dreadfully sad.

"No one", I shot back, afraid of getting Uru… the one I _love_ in trouble.

"Bull", he doesn't continue but I shoot him a glare, happy that he can't see the bruise on my face through the make-up. "How are your legs?", he asks changing the subject, not that this new topic is much better.

"Fine", I lie, hoping he will let it drop.

"You always say that", he sighs, "You are coming to my house after practice"

"No"

"I will go get Reita if it makes things easier", he keeps threatening me with Reita because Reita is like the father of the group while Kai is the mother. Reita's _firm _hand and unwavering voice will make any of us do as _commanded _- even Miyavi - which says _a lot_. And I don't want anyone else to know… I don't even want _fucking Kai_ to know, nevertheless, _he_ does.

"Fine"

xXx At Kai's xXx

Kai wastes _no _time in making me strip after the dinner that he made. I know how this will play. He will see the _fresh welts_ on my skin and go back to monitoring me. He has no embarrassment at having me stand in front of him in just my boxers which he makes me adjust by pulling them up to examine _new wounds._

He sighs unhappily, his face obscured with concern, worry and anger. It's not my legs he sees. My _reminders_ of last night are _evident _and _numerous_ over my chest especially.

"Uruha did this didn't he?"

My eyes widen and I flinch away from Kai. "N-no"

His eyes go hard and he knows I am lying. He_ always_ fucking knows. "Why did you let him?"

It's no use lying… "I love him"

"I know"

"Then why ask?!"

"I wanted to hear you say it. Don't love him. He is a _vindictive_ and _sadistic_ prick", his eyes are bitter and stony… not the sunshine I know.

"But… I can't help it", I feel the tears sting my eyes. I don't like Kai seeing me like this, I feel _naked_ and _only_ Uruha should see me like this.

_Only him_.

"Aoi, _Aoi_ look at me", I _feel_ Kai's hand cup the side of my head and once again I pull back, my head feeling like it is being _crushed_ under Kai's hand. He doesn't say anything about my head but puts his hands timidly on my shoulders as if to make sure they aren't hurt before putting his face close to mine.

"Aoi, listen to me. You _can not_ love him. He will _hurt_ you _again_. I knew someone else that got _involved _with him, they spent two weeks in hospital. Do_ not_ fall into the trap", his eyes are_ pleading_ with me. I don't _want_ to believe him.

"But…"

"No", he sounds _desperate_ now, "Aoi… use me instead"

"What?", I don't get what he is saying… _use him_?

"Instead of hurting_ yourself_ and…_ stuff_… I… _use_ me"

xXx Seven Months Later - Our Apartment xXx

"Wow… that was… wow", I pant out as I roll off of _Kai._

"Yeah", he aggres, sounding as _breathless_ as me. He nudges my arm with his head like a cat, wordlessly telling me to lift it so he can put his head on my chest.

We lay there for some time. At first, when we first started our '_agreement'_ I would leave almost _immediately_ after I had come. After around two months Kai _timidly_ suggested we move in together. I said no at first, my _love_ for _Uruha_ still _burned_ deep and I cried for a week after he was _fired _from the band.

That was _then._

"Have you heard from _him_?", I ask Kai, cutting into the silence.

"No"

"Okay"

I feel him shift and he sits up to look at me. His face is serious, "Do you still love him, Aoi?", he keeps his eyes_ fixed_ on mine, _searching _for any _hint_ of a _lie._

"No, I don't, Kai… I… I think I am… falling in love with-", my words are cut off as his lips touch mine in a slow but brief kiss, "You", I breathe, finishing my sentence.

"I love you too. But then again, you already I knew that", he smiles, it's his_ sunshine smile_ that I_ love_ so much.

We lapse back into silence as his head finds my chest again.

"Kai?"

"Mmm?", he doesn't move but I know he is listening.

"Thank you"

"For what?"

"_Saving_ me"

It's _all_ I _need_ to say. He_ knows_ what he saved me from.

_Myself._

_xXxXxXxXxXxXxXx_

Well… wasn't that _fun?_

_Dark?_ Probably

_Predictable?_ Maybe

_Fucked up? _Likely

_Rubbish?_ Possibly

_Good?_ _You tell me!_

Gonna review? You better!

You have just spent between _three_ and _ten_ minutes reading this depending on your reading speed… is it _too much_ to ask for a _small_ comment? Even just _one_ word?

Thanks!

Hoshika xXx


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